Fast forward about twelve years later to 2008. I married my high school sweetheart, and we were pregnant just after two years from saying I DO. At 27 years old, I didn’t do anything without researching books and the internet – some people call it A type personality. I needed to know what was going to happen to my body every step of the way from pregnancy to birth. I started with learning about the women in my family. My mom told me that she had me after 19 hours of labor and an epidural gone wrong made her back hurt more than the contractions. My aunt had her baby girl at home by accident! She didn’t know she was in labor. How was I going to get through child birth? Was drugs still my answer.

As I continued to research and read books, I decided that the best way for me was to try a natural child birth. No, drugs was not my answer now. This was a huge decision for me because I cringe at the thought of any pain. I’m scared of bees because they could sting. I told a few co-workers and friends about my plan, and I knew they didn’t think I would be able to do it. I decided to take Bradley classes because it was the best option for a natural child birth. My husband was very supportive of my decision and we started our 12 week class.

If I didn’t have a high risk pregnancy, I probably would have looked into home birth, birthing centers, midwives, etc. I had my baby at 35 weeks from an induction by pitocin (PIT). I yelled and screamed through the pain. No, drugs was not on my birth plan. After 6 long hours of hard pain by PIT, I was ready to push out my baby girl. My L&D nurse was holding my right hand and my doula was holding my left hand. I could see my husband in the corner of my eye. (He was kicked out the room twice by my nurse because he was getting paler and paler.) At 6:03pm, she was born, and no, I did not ask for drugs. It was not my answer.

After that birth, I knew three things: 1) childbirth did hurt:) 2) it was hard work, 3) it was something I was capable of doing. I found great satisfaction with my birth, even though it was painful, and because of this I realized that joy, happiness, and contentment are not related to the amount of pain we feel.

I found this quote in a book I’ve read that describes difficulties in life, but I feel like it relates quite well to how I’ve viewed the pain of childbirth.

“Life is difficult…Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters” (From the Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck).

The pain of childbirth is, of course, something we must all come to terms with, and we all deal with it in different ways. I would just hope that we can find room to allow it to help us grow, no matter how we choose to deal with it.

Modern Expressions Photography

I happened upon Tamra Hyde’s photography when reading through a Yahoo group.  Someone said that she had a “real talent.”  I have to say – that was quite an understatement!

As I looked at the photos of the waterbirth, I couldn’t help but think that somehow Tamra had been able to capture a bit of heaven in her photography – somehow she was able to capture that moment when earth and God Himself meet in the miracle of childbirth.

Previous to looking at Tamra’s work, I did not think it was possible to capture that essence of the divine in anything as earthly and mortal as a photograph.  Somehow, she does it.

I took a minute to interview Tamra, to try and find out what it is about her that allows her to do this.

Utah Childbirth: Tell me a little bit about yourself and your family.

Tamra:

My name is Tamra Hyde.  I have been married to my husband David for 15 years this July.  We have six beautiful children.  Alexander is the oldest.  He just turned 13 and is a gentleman.  Sullivan is 10 and is our best friend to the little ones.  He is very nurturing.  Ahrana is 7 and is our little helper.  She is gifted at housekeeping and can outclean all of the boys.  We adopted her from India when she was three years old and we love her very much.  Oliver is 6 and is our stubborn child.  I am trying to figure out how to teach him when to bend and when to be strong.

Never Stronger

Finneas is 3 and was our first child born at home.  Suzanne Smith was our midwife.  She was wonderful!  He is a growing like a weed and is all about being a big boy.

Virginia is our youngest.  She was born in our backyard hot tub with Cathy Larson attending.  It was an amazing experience.  I don’t think it gets much better than that. She is tiny and sweet and definitely the love of our lives.

I have chosen to homeschool my six children.  This is very challenging at times but I have really enjoyed it.  I love being able to let my children learn at their own pace and to study the things that really hold their interest.

Utah Childbirth: How did you become interested in photography, specifically birth photography?

Tamra:

I have been an artist all of my life.  I have always been fascinated with the art of photography, but the mechanics of using the camera always stood in my way.

Modern Expressions Photography

I finally got brave and decided to learn and once I did a whole new world opened up to me.  Birth became a part of my life when my first was born.  I was hooked.  I read every book I find on the subject.  I began to attend the births of friends as a videographer and when I picked up photography the two things naturally fell into place.

I am always drawn to the storytelling side of photography and birth photography is the epitome of that art. I was priveleged to attend my first birth as a photographer in June of 2007 and I was hooked.

Utah Childbirth: What are some things you love about your job?

Tamra:

I love the flexibility of being a photographer.  As a homeschooling mother it is wonderful to be able to choose my own hours and to do much of my work at home.

I also love the creativity as no two sessions are alike.  I love the challenge of finding the perfect natural lighting, arrangind artificial lighting, and capturing that perfect shot.

Utah Childbirth: How has doing birth photography affected you personally?

Tamra:

I have come to know some very wonderful women.  Birth is such a personal and spiritual experience, it is an honor to be asked to participate.  I have seen the power of women and the joy of childbirth.  I feel that I am a stronger person by being near these women.  I can’t watch a birth slideshow without tearing up and I love my clients and their babies.

Utah Childbirth: How can someone contact you for a session, and what should they expect?

Tamra:

Custom portrait photography is truly an art form.  Each session takes 1-3 hours of photography time and up to 20 hours of editing time.  It is for those who appreciate art in all of its forms and for those who want a true representation of their family.

Two Days New

I have a fresh and contemporary style.  I am always trying new things and my clients love this. I am currently accepting birth, maternity, newborn, baby, child, high school senior, family, engagement and wedding clients.

Wedding clients for 2009 will recieve a significant discount on pricing. I am accepting portrait clients on Fridays and Saturdays only and session times fill up quickly.

I am in West Jordan but all sessions are on location. When I accept a birth client I reserve an entire month and will not book any other births or weddings during that month, so it is important to book right away to secure your session.

Many of my birth clients receive a free maternity or newborn session with their package.  Please check out my website Modern Expressions for pricing information.

Let me know that you found me here and recieve a $50 credit toward your session.

Contact Information:

Tamra Hyde www.modernexpressionsphoto.com www.blog.modernexpressionsphoto.com modernmother@comcast.net 801-712-0510

Gallery

Click the photos below to see a larger image.  They are stunning!

Christine Fiscer, Traditional Midwife

In 2004, Christine Fiscer had a beautiful baby boy.  She also had a completely unnecessary cesarean section.  In her quest to avoid another cesarean, Christine researched and read until she was convinced that birthing at home was not only safe, but the best option for most women.

This research led her to a beautiful VBAC experience at home with a midwife, and eventually led her to become a Traditional Midwife herself.

Christine now serves women in the St. George area at her practice, Joyful Birth Services.

Utah Childbirth caught up with Christine to find out more about her amazing journey:

Utah Childbirth: How have your experiences with VBAC advocacy and your own cesarean affected your midwifery practice?

Christine: Because of my own cesarean and VBAC experience, I am more apt to help women that even some other midwives would not be able to assist.

Beautiful Twins

As long as mom still meets criteria that I consider low risk, I will take her. I am more passionate about helping the women that are most likely to end up in the operating room – such as twin or breech moms, or moms who have had more than 1 or 2 cesareans.

If I can help keep even one mom from having surgery again, I will. So many women are told that they “can’t” have a VBAC if they have had more than one or two cesareans, and it simply isn’t true. The research shows that a VBAMC ( Vaginal Birth After Multiple Cesareans ) has a VERY little increase in uterine rupture rates, and that women should have this option open to them.

Utah Childbirth: What service do you offer?

Christine: I offer pre-conception counseling, complete prenatal care, the option of a waterbirth, complete labor and birth care, postpartum care (until 6 weeks), and complete breastfeeding support.

Under safe conditions, I will attend moms who are carrying twins or a breech baby that will not turn.

Utah Childbirth: You mentioned on your website that you spent some time in the Phillipines.  What was your most valuable experience there?

Christine: It was an amazing personal experience, not just in the way of birth.

Breech Baby Girl

My most valuable experience was, oddly enough, the complications that we encountered on a regular basis.  I don’t think women here in the U.S. understand how wonderful we have it, for the most part.

It reaffirmed just how much good nutrition counts for in over all health of pregnancy and birth.

I saw women’s uteri come down and out with their baby, which is a rare occurrence here without any intervention involved in labor. I saw women tear horribly, even though perineal massage was used, and the head was birthed as gently as possible.

So even though it may sound odd, the complications were the most valuable part of my experience there.

Utah Childbirth: What do you do for fun?

Christine: I love to sew. My current project is to learn how to use a serger. I also read a lot. I love anything from birthy books, to complete fiction. If I can get lost in a book, it’s a good one.

Utah Childbirth: What can a woman in your care expect from you as a midwife?  In other words, what is unique about your approach to midwifery?

Christine: I am completely hands-off, unless an emergency arises. I believe firmly that labor and birth, will unfold best if left alone.  This hands-off approach results in fewer complications, and a more sense of empowerment for moms.

Women are more than capable of giving birth without me. When I have the honor of attending a woman’s birth, I am more of a lifeguard. I simply make sure that things continue safely and jump in only if needed.

Birth is such an intimate time. I do my best to interfere as little as possible, so that it remains an intimate moment … not a medical event.

Christine and Joyful Birth Services is another wonderful birth choice for women in Southern Utah!

We put off the semen analysis because we were focused on moving and going on vacation for two weeks.  When we got back from our trip and moved in to our new apartment, my husband was getting ready to graduate from the university, and things were pretty busy, so we totally forgot about that little cup in the bio-hazard bag.  The week of Josh’s graduation I was anticipating the monthly visit from “Aunt Flo”, but she didn’t come.  I didn’t think too much about it, because the last time that she didn’t come on time and was five days late, I had the hardest time bouncing back from realizing I wasn’t pregnant after all — again.  After a week, I finally took two pregnancy tests.  The second line was pretty faint, so we decided not to announce anything to family while they were here for the graduation because we didn’t want to get everyone all excited only to have to break the bad news later.  The next week we finally decided to go to the health department for a pregnancy test because they’d be able to tell us for sure.  I remember coming out of that office just beaming and crying and all excited to tell our family that we were finally expecting!

Then that night I broke down crying for a different reason.  Eventually the baby would have to be born.  And that was something that terrified me.  Everyone I knew said that birth was the most painful experience you’d ever have — that it was akin to dying.  Josh and I had decided a long time before getting pregnant that we wanted a natural birth experience.  But when it came down to it, could I really handle all that?  I am a pretty big wimp when it comes to the unknown.  Especially if the unknown, according to what people told me, included intense pain and misery.  Obviously people had had natural birth before and survived (my own mother did it eight times – twice she asked for an epidural or other anesthesia because she had done the natural birth route before and figured she deserved a break, but it didn’t work either time), but could I?  People I talked to about our desire for natural birth thought I was completely nuts, and told me so.  Why not just go with the flow, right?  Everybody gets epidurals.  Why not me too?

Because I didn’t want to.  For some reason this was one time I didn’t just want to conform.  This was one time I wanted to do something different – something I considered to be WAY outside my comfort zone.

But then there had to be some way to manage things during birth — I needed some kind of structured help (since I also freak out and give up rather easily).  One of my friends had taken a Hypnobabies course and loved it.  I wasn’t too sure how I felt about hypnosis.  To me, and to others I’m sure, hypnosis brought to mind a man waving gold watch on a chain in front of my face and making me make chicken sounds or something.  I wanted to be in control of things, not controlled by things, but my friend assured me that self-hypnosis is very different from all that.  Josh and I researched Hypnobabies and felt really good about it, so we enrolled in the course.  I really was intrigued by the claim that childbirth with hypnosis could be painless, and wondered if my mind and body really could relax enough to make that happen.  Josh and I did a pretty good job at practicing the hypnosis scripts and CDs often in order to prepare, and we felt confident in being able to use those techniques during the birth in order to have a peaceful, beautiful experience.

However, at about 37 weeks of pregnancy at my checkup, my blood pressure was off the charts, and the midwife found protein in my urine, so I was sent next door to the hospital for a non-stress test and bloodwork.  After four hours of monitoring, I was sent home on bed-rest with instructions to come back in a few days to be re-evaluated.  To keep this part short and sweet, imagine that process two more times, each time with no conclusive answers as to why my blood pressure would still be so high when I didn’t have any other pre-ecclamptic symptoms (other than a small amount of protein in the urine).  At the very last non-stress test, the midwife suggested an induction, in order to put an end to the testing and in hopes that delivery of the baby would put an end to this high blood pressure problem.  However, my cervix was closed, high, and virtually not looking like it was going to budge at all.  Josh and I were concerned that an induction would only start the snowball of events we did not want — pitocin, epidural, c-section.  The midwife wanted to just keep me at the hospital that night and get things going, but Josh and I decided we wanted the weekend to decide what to do and prepare if the change in our birthing plans was necessary.

My fear returned. Hypnobabies had taught me to feel so confident in my ability to give birth naturally.  We had practiced and done our best to learn everything we needed to know.  Now, however, we felt like we were being asked to bring our baby into the world in a way we did not want.  We didn’t want to be a product of medical intervention, though we understood that at some times it is very necessary.  My situation, however, was so unconclusive.  I wasn’t officially diagnosed with pre-ecclampsia.  They really couldn’t since I wasn’t demonstrating all, or even most, of the symptoms.

So here we were, packing our hospital bag just in case our baby boy decided to come on his own that weekend.  I was scheduled to go into my midwife’s office on Monday for another checkup and most likely a decision regarding the induction proposition.  I contacted our Hypnobabies instructor, who suggested we download the “Come Out Baby” Hypnosis track.  It had been proven effective in getting the mother’s body and baby’s body to cooperate and get birthing going.  It, of course, was like any other means of induction – if your body was ready, it would work.  If not, it wouldn’t.  I listened to it twice a day (the max recommended), but nothing happened.  Monday came and once again induction was suggested.  She gave Josh and me time to talk about it, and we decided to go ahead with it, because I was only 2 days away from my “due date”, and if we didn’t, it would only mean repetition of the same rigamaroll we’d already been through with non-stress tests and bloodwork and such, and by that point I was just so tired of all of the drama.  As I wrote that, it sounded extremely selfish, which is how I felt on the drive home from the midwife office.  I cried and cried and thought about calling the midwife and telling her we wouldn’t be going to the hospital that night, but I didn’t.  For some reason I started to feel at peace.

We had asked everyone we knew to pray for us during this whole ordeal.  Usually I am the one being asked to pray for someone else.  This time the roles were reversed, and it was very humbling to hear so many people say they were praying for us every day from the first day of bed-rest.  The strength from all of those prayers truly comforted us as we went home and finished getting things ready.  At our midwife’s suggestion, we went out to dinner as our last date pre-parenthood, and then headed over to the hospital.  The plan was to start a cervical ripener that night, which would last 12 hours, and then start pitocin the next morning around 7:30 am.  We got checked in to our room, the nurse put in the Cervadil, which was pretty painful since they had to put it behind my uncooperative cervix, and we just waited.  We played card games and chatted and finally tried to fall asleep.  Josh slept pretty well, but I couldn’t.  I decided to put on the “Come Out Baby” hypnosis track, and listened to that before finally dozing off.  I woke up around 3 am, feeling kind of funny, and realized that every so often I would feel a cramp-like sensation in my belly.  I woke up Josh and he immediately came to see what was going on.  Before I knew it, the contractions were coming harder and closer together.  I had no idea which “stage” of labor I was in, as I didn’t feel any kind of gradual progression.

Josh called our doula, who was planning on being there the next morning when the pitocin was supposed to be administered, and she came right over, also surprised to see me having so many contractions.  I will never cease to be amazed at the way Josh was able to stay calm and really use our Hypnobabies techniques on the fly.  There was no time to read official scripts.  He had to just go from what he remembered, and I really believe he received some Heavenly help to do everything he did.  He was able to provide physical, emotional and mental comfort all at once.  When I’d start to freak out, he’d bring me back down into relaxation.  Our doula also was invaluable.  She would constantly remind me to breathe and use low moaning tones to allow my body to open.  One thing she told me that continues to stand out to me was when I was again unsure of my ability to really give birth, and I said, “I can’t do this!” and she said, “You ARE doing it!  You ARE!”  That was so empowering to me.  I just had to let go and let my body do what it needed to do!  Our baby was going to be born!

I can’t remember my exact progression, as things went so quickly, but I did go from being dialated to a 2 and fully effaced at around 4am, to a 9 at 9am.  The midwife showed up around 9 o’clock, when I was already getting really pushy.  It’s so amazing how the urge to push out the baby is so strong.  It’s a natural instinct that really can’t be held back, at least not very effectively.  Before the midwife arrived, the nurses told me not to push because there was still a lip of cervix that could swell up and reverse my progress if I did.  That was not what I wanted to hear, and once again I started to really get anxious and upset.  I was having a hard time breathing because there was literally no pause between contractions, and here I was being told not to push when that was all I wanted to do.  I finally asked for some Fetanol to slow things down a bit and give me a chance to relax and breathe a little more.  They gave me half a dose, which was pretty much like taking a Tylenol for a migrane, but it was sufficient – at least psychologically it seemed to work.  Josh and our doula continued to work to help me relax and breathe.  I sure was glad when the midwife arrived and I was able to finally push!

Because the labor was so fast and intense, our baby’s heart rate was dropping with each contraction and not coming back up.  They put in an internal monitor, and we knew we had to get this baby out fast.  There was even one of the obstetricians standing outside the room door with an epidural and forceps if necessary.  (Supposedly he didn’t believe in using forceps without administering an epidural first.)  Once the midwife explained the situation, I felt my resolve to continue naturally increase.  Josh stood beside me working to keep me relaxed and focused, and our doula and one of the nurses held my legs as I pushed.  It turned out that our little guy had the cord around his neck once and around one of his arms, which was pinching the cord and causing his heart rate to drop.  I think that the pushing stage really was the hardest part of the birth because I was so tired and I was tensed up because of the possible forceps delivery and the insistence of the midwife and nurses that I really push because we didn’t have time to wait.  It was so intense, but you know, not nearly as painful as I expected it to be.  Yes, it hurt, and I had never felt pain like that before, but it wasn’t so unbearable as I think it’s been made out to be.  The fact that I was able to do it without drugs — me, who I used to consider to be a really wimpy person — was so empowering.

I will never forget the awe I felt as I saw our baby come out.  This little person that had been growing and developing inside of me was born!  The midwife quickly cut the cord and he was examined by the hospital staff immediately.  Our little boy was just perfect.  As I was being stitched up from my episiotomy and tear, I couldn’t help but just smile and cry and laugh.  We had done it!  Josh and our baby and I had worked together and seen a miracle. So many united prayers had been answered.  When they handed me our sweet baby boy, I just stared at him in wonder.  This was the baby we had waited so long for.  This was the baby we had prayed for and hoped for.  It was amazing.  I felt such an overwhelming love for him that I start to cry even now.

There is a certain euphoria that accompanies birth.  Perhaps it’s partly because the mother realizes her body was indeed capable of bringing that little life into the world, but I believe that mostly it’s because for a time heaven and earth collide.  A new little person has arrived in mortality, and one can’t help but feel amazed at how powerful a body is at creating another human life from two tiny cells.  The awe of each tiny finger and toe, the first eye contact, watching the forehead wrinkle and the little mouth open in a tiny sigh, seeing him kick his feet and you realize those were the same feet that bruised your ribs for the third trimester, a head of downy hair, the soft skin….absolutely amazing.

As I watch our baby grow and change and learn, I feel like I too am on that same course.  We’re learning together how to be mother and child.  We’re nurturing each other.  He reminds me daily of what’s really important in life — the snuggles during and after feedings, nightime lullabies (even if the baby wakes up the second after you lay him down), tummy time, walks in the sunshine, being together, observing the world through new eyes, smiling in your sleep, unconditional love, holding your head up, and not being afraid to cry.

Amazing.

labor is a natural normal process and is best left that way.  On the other hand, there can be complications, and it is best to be able to have someone there to help monitor both you and baby to make sure all is going well and give medical care when necessary.

birth and motherhood are some of the most difficult yet rewarding experiences and are intertwined with each other.

labor is hard work, but has wonderful rewards.

that through birth and giving life, an element of the divine is working through you.

pain and joy are intertwined.

My birth legacy:

I’m not sure I heard too much about birth from anyone really before I had children.  I went into it with the only knowledge being from my providers.  Luckily, they were wonderful and I had a great experience.  It was when I moved and tried to find something similar that I realized that most women do not experience birth the same way I did.  Of course I feared the pain, but I think I have learned to work through that.  The pain is something that I worked with and learned to respect.  I placed trust in myself as well as my providers to make sure I was healthy as well as my baby.

“Write as fast as you can anything and everything you assume to be true about pregnancy, labor, birth and being a mother.  Write your birth legacy: family/religious/cultural beliefs, images, fears, traditions, unforgettable birth stories, and old wives tales….What is the overall feeling in what you wrote?  What beliefs and assumptions are contained in it? …Where did these assumptions come from in the first place?…How does keeping this idea, fear, or belief work for you:  If this idea evaporated, who would you be?  What would you do differently?”  Pam England, Birthing from Within